We know from long experience that only collaborative divorce — not old-style adversarial legal representation, and not a single mediator working with or without lawyers in the picture — views divorce as a complex experience requiring advice and counsel from multiple perspectives if it is to be navigated well. Collaborative divorce prepares you to deal with the emotional challenges and changes associated with divorce and provides the resources that can best help you make a healthy transition from married to single.

Collaborative divorce builds in important protections for children, too. It informs you fully about how your children are experiencing the divorce and what they need to weather the big changes in their family structure without harm. It helps protect your future relationship with your spouse by informing both of you fully — together, at the same time — about the financial realities of your marriage and divorce in a way that eliminates pointless arguments about economic issues. It also teaches you and your spouse new ways of problem solving and conflict resolution so that you develop useful skills for addressing your differences more constructively in the future. Further, collaborative divorce

Helps you clarify your individual and shared values and priorities
Helps you and your spouse reach maximum consensus
Includes complete advice about the law without using legal rights as the sole template for negotiation and resolution
Helps you and your spouse resolve serious differences creatively and without destructive conflict
Helps parents improve their ability to coparent after divorce
Builds in agreements about resolution of future differences after the divorce is over
Focuses not only on resolving past differences but also on planning for healthy responses to current challenges and on laying a strong foundation for the future after the divorce is over
Aims toward deep resolution, not shallow peace
Why You Do Not Want an “Old-Style Divorce”

We’re confident that, like the people we work with every day, you want to protect yourself and your loved ones from the havoc that an old-style divorce can wreak in your lives. Let’s summarize the facts you now know about old-style divorce:

It is based on the centuries-old belief that divorce is wrong and abnormal
It seeks to find fault and mete out punishment
It focuses on the past
It is premised on conflict
It is constrained by an arbitrary legal framework intended to resolve matters of right and wrong by the exchange of money
It aims at a deal, not deep resolution
It fails to take into account current understandings of how people are wired, what they need in times of change, what children need during and after divorce, and how families change and restructure
What’s more, we know that old-style divorce is bad for individuals, families, and communities because

It’s expensive
It’s hurtful and damaging
It’s “one size fits all”
It deems irrelevant many common concerns that are extremely important to most people because judges can’t issue enforceable orders about them
It focuses on the past
It encourages unrealistic expectations on the part of both spouses about what should happen in the divorce
It resolves disputes through competing predictions of what a judge would do rather than focusing on what you and your partner can agree on
It won’t provide essential help to you or those you care about
The emotional and social costs are incalculable
Luckily, we live in an era when there is finally a better option — one that can end a marriage without destroying a family or setting into motion negative effects that can bedevil family members for a lifetime.

Why Collaborative Divorce Works So Well

The reasons why collaborative divorce does such a good job of helping most people achieve their own “best divorce” are simple. Collaborative divorce addresses the financial and legal matters that must be resolved in any divorce, but it does so more effectively because it provides the built-in help of three professions, not just one. The design of collaborative divorce — with its team of professionals, its systematic attention to values, its emphasis on healthy relationships, and its focus on the future — takes into account the broad spectrum of what really matters to most people when their marriages end. It considers not only the two spouses but those around them who also matter to the divorcing couple and who will be both directly and indirectly affected by a good or a bad divorce: children, families, and even extended families, friends, and colleagues. It applies what we know about marriage and divorce from the realms of psychology, sociology, history, law, communication theory, conflict resolution theory, finance, and other realms in a very practical, useful, and concrete way.

Collaborative Divorce Deals With What People Actually Experience in Divorce

Unlike any other divorce conflict resolution process that has come before, collaborative divorce teams make constant use of vital information about how people are “wired,” how we think, how our emotions affect our ability to communicate effectively and to process information, how we experience pain and loss, how we recover from the end of a marriage, what our children are experiencing and what they need in the divorce, and what the needs of each member of the family after the divorce are likely to be. In this way, collaborative divorce offers constructive, comprehensive, multidisciplinary professional support that responds to the actual complexities of divorce as people experience it, rather than imposing an old-fashioned, limited institutional legal point of view as the sole perspective on a complex human experience.

Reprinted from Collaborative Divorce: The Revolutionary New Way to Restructure Your Family, Resolve Legal Issues, and Move on with Your Life by Pauline H. Tesler, M.A., J.D., & Peggy Thompson, Ph.D. Copyright © 2006 Pauline H. Tesler & Peggy Thompson. Published by Regan Books; June 2006;$25.95US/$33.50CAN; 0-06-088943-8

Authors
Pauline H. Tesler, M.A., J.D., has been a specialist in family law certified by California State Bar Board of Legal Specialization since 1985. She is a fellow of the American Academy of Matrimonial Lawyers and lives in the San Francisco Bay Area with her husband. www.lawtsf.com

Peggy Thompson, Ph.D., has been a licensed psychologist specializing in families and children for thirty years. For the past fifteen years, she has been actively involved in the development and practice of collaborative divorce. Peggy lives in the San Francisco Bay Area with her husband. www.cdadivorce.com

Together they confounded the International Academy of Collaborative Professionals.

For more information, please visit www.collaborativedivorcebook.com

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For some, marriage doesn’t require much work and little compromise, but for rest of us, marriage has turned out to be nothing like we imagined. You know the story; you meet someone, you fall in love and without even realizing it, at some point you start resenting the little things and you let your resentment build until you want to explode. You feel like you don’t know the person you married and they don’t know you, and in all honesty, it isn’t that your spouse is a different person, it’s that you both are different and you need to find away to reconnect to the people you are now. Not who you were then.

Once upon a time your love life felt like a fairy tale. When you married you didn’t dream of divorce, you dreamt of happily ever after. Sadness and marital woe weren’t concerns of yours because they were incomprehensible. Somewhere along the line you lost sight and now you need help. There are many factors that cause a marriage to unravel at the seams; children, in-laws, accidents; loss of jobs, death, with all these come additional stress and strain into your life. Arguments ensue and before you know it, you can’t even speak to the person you have pledged your life to. In sickness and in health is the promise you made to each other, but it is turning out to be a promise hard kept.

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Insurance issues may be complicated and largely the purview of lawyers but you need to be actively involved to protect yourself and anyone who depends upon you.

What are some insurance pitfalls to watch out for as you prepare for divorce?

Did you know that your life insurance policy could still cover your spouse even if you two are divorced and no longer a part of each other’s lives? Life Insurance policies are deliberately written in fine print. When it comes to divorce, you don’t want to ignore life insurance decisions because you may end up losing more than you could ever imagine.

Be aware that life insurance laws are different in every state. You need to find out how the law applies to your case because you may find yourself faced with some very costly complications. If you have a good attorney, you should be able to protect yourself but do your research also. This way you will be educated when these matters are discussed and can stand up for your rights.

Does your life insurance policy pay out a lot of money? If so, you need to make sure you know exactly what it is that you are signing and how the terms apply. In the case of a pending divorce, meet with your attorney and your insurance agent as soon as possible to arrange to have your spouse taken off your policy as soon as the papers are filed.

Some states make life insurance policies invalid as soon as the divorce is finalized. Other states require you to replace your policy or make changes in the policy. You can take your ex off and place your children or others on the policy as the beneficiary. Changing your beneficiary is not difficult and can be done within minutes.

You need to negotiate who will be paying the premiums. If your husband is to pay, he can stop paying or cash in the policy and leave you with nothing unless life insurance is a negotiated part of the divorce settlement.

To protect the children, make sure that your divorce settlement stipulates that the children are to be kept as the beneficiary and make sure that your spouse shows proof of it each year. If your spouse allows the policy to lapse, your ex may not have to reinstate the policy unless ordered by the court. Get it in writing before the divorce is finalized!

If you would like only your children to benefit financially from your life insurance policy, you will want to open a trust fund and then name the trust as the beneficiary and name a trustee to manage the proceeds. Many banks offer this service. This way your ex will never get parental control over any of the money left to your children should you die before they are of legal age.

You can also block your children from giving any of the money to your ex by setting up the trust fund and stipulate that the children cannot receive any of the money until they are young adults. The normal age of legal maturity for such trusts ranges from 18 to 21. You may also stipulate that the insurance proceeds be restricted to higher education use only and held in trust until your children or other heirs avail themselves of the money for education.

You also need to think about ongoing medical insurance.

In some states you can stay on the medical insurance policy for 36 months after the divorce is final. Each child can be covered until they are adults. You also need to negotiate how medical insurance premiums are to be paid. Are they to be paid by you or your spouse or perhaps split between you?

If you get the primary residence in the settlement, you could face more surprises. The building, furnishings and personal property that are covered in your Homeowners Insurance may only be reimbursed to the person named as primary beneficiary on the policy. Therefore, if your spouse has the insurance in their name, then the value of any damaged property will not be reimbursed to you in the case of fire or other disaster. Your spouse will get all the money for the losses.

If you are the one moving out, make sure that you take everything that you value, that is permitted in the settlement for you to take. You will want to take anything that you would miss if you were unable to recover it.

If you are faced with getting Health Insurance, Life Insurance, Auto Insurance and Homeowners Insurance on your own, the time to start researching insurance options is now, before divorce papers are filed, not after.

If you would like to save your marriage and stop your divorce, Author Jim DeSantis presents a helpful free ebook: “Save Your Marriage, Stop Your Divorce” – here – No Email Required! It’s also free at jim-desantis.blogspot.com/2008/06/save-your-marriagestop-your-divorce.html

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What a bind we Americans are in! On the one hand, we each grow up being told and believing that there is some “special person,” some person who is “the one for me,” another human being who is the perfect match for me. If I can find that person, my life will be right and I can be truly happy.

But get this. We also grow up being told and believing that “only I am ultimately responsible for my own happiness.” If I am to be happy, “it’s up to me.” American heroes tend to be loners, characters portrayed by Clint Eastwood, John Wayne, Katherine Hepburn — who ironically lose their hero status once they do fall in love and “settle down.” They become boring.

Youch!

The horns of the dilemma are thus that I must “find that special person” who will make me happy, but I have to remain fervently individualistic in the meantime.

I can’t let another person run my life, but I also can’t be happy unless “we two are one.”

Is it any wonder that many of us tend to approach relationships skeptically, but also idealistically? The marriage rate has not been slowed down by the data on divorces, and divorces have not been slowed down by the marriage rate.

An answer to the dilemma is not simple, but it is achievable. A first step is recognizing that having a partner in life is indeed preferable in life to being alone, for most people.

A second is that normal relationships all include disillusionment, and many other definable steps along the way to real intimacy.

Discovering difference from your partner is normal, feeling betrayed by that difference is normal, your idealism is normal, your skepticism is normal, even feeling abandoned is normal.

Saying stupid things is normal. Having your sex life change over time and feeling unhappy and disappointed over this is normal.

Feeling hopeless and helpless in a relationship is also normal at certain times in everyone’s relationship. It is even normal in the course of a relationship (shocking as it may seem to some of us) to wish for your partner to have a nice tidy fatal accident on the way home from work; and normal to feel awful about having such a thought.

Even more important, it is normal to not know how to deal with these problems.

How many classes did you have in your education that told you how to really deal with a profound difference between you and your partner?

How often did your parents sit you down and speak with you about how to work out a disagreement or a disappointment with your partner (if you did have these things, God bless you!).

If you are normal, you have much more training for a job that you might not even care much about than you did for the incredibly demanding life skills of being a partner to someone you love.

This is why a reasonable amount of real dedication to learning about relationships, what works and what doesn’t, is as important as anything you can possibly do in life. I recommend that you find a good source of information — one that fits for you personally — and put some effort into the relationship you already have rather than dreaming about the one you don’t.

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“The Fastest, Easiest Way To Turn Your Marriage Into The One You Always Wished You Had…In Ten Days or Less!” www.TenDaysToAGoodMarriage.com by Dr. Max Vogt.

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This can be increased when you have your own children, a good number of your attention will be focused on them. Your romance suddenly falls right on the back seat. That is why there are people who divorce their partners just after a year or two of being together under the same roof.

Maybe you should go back to the basics of your relationship, and try to gather back all the things that you need for you to keep your marriage as good as when you were proclaimed newlyweds. First is love. It is the most essential part of a relationship. Let this love bind you once again.

Have your full and endless support for each other. Though some differences may arise on some things that needs a decision, it will be very rewarding if you will support whoever is tasked to make that decision. Respect each other’s decision. Be there always for him/her, in achievements and in failure. That support, for sure, will be appreciated.

Have proper communication between the two of you. If your husband or wife committed something that annoys you, talk to him/her. Explain what you feel, and let him/her explain also. Discuss everything—problems, rules—and other things that needs to be discussed. Do not let these problems linger and cause more rift between the two of you.

Show your care for your spouse everyday of your life. Happy couples do show how much they care for each other. Take him/her out for a dinner, or you can serve your spouse whenever they feel tired. Small things can produce large results

Relight the torch that has made your relationship burning. Rediscover what you felt for your life when you weren’t married yet. Looking at your marriage in a new light can make it feel new once again.

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Article written by Hector Milla, editor of www.mygoodmarriage.com/ , They have published a free online guide about :: Good Marriage Tips :: , Learn how to improve your marriage at www.mygoodmarriage.com/xenu.html , thanks for publish this article in your website or ezine keeping a live link.

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Some marriages become problematic and couples go searching for a divorce attorney In Texas or elsewhere, because they had no idea nor did they discovered exactly what is involved in successful marriage. This marital state of affairs is more rampant than you think. . Your own marriage can be in the same situation, no matter how long you have been married.

How Should You Save Your Marriage From A Divorce Attorney In Texas?

The fundamental necessity for a successful marriage is informed knowledge of pros and cons of successful marriage, which you can obtain from an expert; a competent marriage counselor knows exactly what is required to ensure a successful marriage.

A marriage counselor of 30+ years of experience has written a powerful book to teach you powerful strategies for bringing back passion into your relationship. Relationships like other circumstances in life wane natural. It is your responsibility to manage them instead of rushing off to a divorce attorney In Texas.

Misunderstandings Will Happen, From Time To Time, In Your Marriage, But They Need Not Lead To A Divorce Attorney In Texas.

If you know how to resolve marital problems arising from inequality in your marriage, little marital problems will be quickly solved instead of becoming big and lead to divorce. A competent proven marriage counselor should help you learn how to solve marital problems arising from gender roles in your household. A divorce attorney In Texas will put your marriage asunder.

How Is The Influence Of Money In Marriage?

The issue of money, for many people, is usually down played, but obviously, the one who wins the bread in a household wields power, but unfortunately power can be destructive, and quickly brings a downtime in relationships. You will have a better marriage if a competent marriage counselor teaches you how to handle the money and power issues in your marriage, so you don’t have the need for a divorce attorney in Texas.

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Naturally, when one gets heartbroken, one starts to go into a trance like state of associating everything with the break up and asking for tons of advice. It is so ironic because all these pieces of advice all lead to the same thing which is to let go and move on.

But these often go through deaf ears because you only want to get your ex girlfriend back.

When it comes to attempting a reconciliation, there is no tried and tested method of doing so.

It is true that women fare better with forgiving exes because they always equate relationships with the effort that they have put in.

It is very normal for someone to keep a respectful distance from an ex right after a break up. Honestly, would you like to call the person who showed you the door?

Another thing, there’s going to be that air of awkwardness that will deter anyone of you from picking up that phone. Not to mention being labeled as desperate.

Nonetheless, the rules all change when you want to get your ex girlfriend back. Once you decide to go through this path, you need to be the first one to reach out.

By this, I mean send her a friendly text message within the week or probably email her. By email, I do not mean that you send her long volumes of love letters. The point is that you need to stay visible.

Finally, if you want her to see you as a prospect and not as somebody she only has to avoid in parties, make sure that you remember every special occasion and never fail to greet her.

Women can never resist being remembered. They have that innate desire to hold a special place in any man’s heart.

To find out more on how to get your ex girlfriend back then visit my website right now!

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Of course, each and every marriage undergoes the usual ups and downs of relationships. As most people say, nothing is perfect. However, it does not mean that nothing is permanent because forever is possible as you grow together, learn from each other, and continue to understand each other’s differences as time goes by. But how do you that? Here are some tips to live by:

1. Preserve the intimacy

The problem with most married couples is that as years pass by in their marriage, they begin to lose the intimacy or the heat of their relationship. Married couples become so familiar with each other that they tend to lose the excitement or maintain their interest with each other. At the most, both of them become preoccupied with other things that what they do as a couple become so ordinary that they lose fascination.

Experts say that couples should learn how to preserve intimacy by maintaining communication and spending time alone with each other. Eliminate anything that will deter you from sharing your feelings, your thoughts, or your sentiments with your spouse, such as television in the bedroom, magazines or books, or any game console. Make it a point that when both of you are in the room, you must spend time together, talk together, and nurture your relationship with good talks and great cheers.

2. Special gifts counts

For husbands, it is best if you give your wives special things that they will treasure forever. It doesn’t mean that even if you’ve been married for more than ten years now, special gifts don’t count anymore.

If, back in your wedding day, you failed to give her some of the most precious wedding jewellery available, now is the time to regain your score. A beautiful set of pearl bridal jewellery is not a late gift after all. You can still give your wife some good pair of stud earrings made of pearl and make them a part of your family’s heirloom.

3. Past is past

One of the best things that will make marriages stay strong throughout the years is to understand that past is past. Learn to let go and accept the future that lies ahead. If you will continue to hold on the past, you are only giving yourself to hurt again and deprive your spouse to change for the better. If he or she is sorry and willing to change, give him/her a chance.

4. Give respect wherever and whenever it is due

Sometimes, couples become too attached with each other that they tend to forget that they are still individuals. And as individuals, each of them has exclusive needs. This does not necessarily mean that their spouse need to partake with whatever needs each person has. This principle must be clearly understood and accepted by each person to learn how to provide the due respect.

5. Have fun

Life is too short to miss out all the fun. Watch movies together, make breakfast together, and take a bath together. Whatever you do, it is best to share the fun with your spouse. As they say, life is what you make it, and if you both take things in your married life as fun as they could be, then both of you are bound for a lasting relationship.

The real thing here is that circumstances may lead you both to drift apart, but what matters most is on how you both work hard to reconcile and end up in each other’s arms again.

Jo is an author and publisher for ‘Girls Love Pearls’ (www.girls-love-pearls.co.uk), a licensed pearl bridal jewellery establishment based in Middle England. If you are searching for high quality yet fairly priced personalized www.girls-love-pearls.co.uk/bridesmaid-jewellery.html”>bridesmaid jewellery to match your wedding dress or want the services of jewellery specialists who can supply high quality, handmade www.girls-love-pearls.co.uk/earrings.html”>bridal earrings then you ought to take a look at Girls Love Pearls.

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Anyone who has been through the rigors of divorce knows how emotionally and physically difficult a time it can be. Often, we forget about the effect it is having on the children who can sometimes believe that they are somehow to blame. It is important for the children to receive appropriate help during this stressful time and to be assured that they are not at fault and that both parents still love them very much.

As hard as it may be at the time, both parents need to be civil toward one another and work out an arrangement that is in the best interests of the children while still allowing the parents to meet their own needs as well. It is far better to do this yourselves than to put everyone through the distress of a court and having an arbitrary decision made for you.

This is a time when both parents need to work together to help the children. Even if one parent fails to honor their commitment to help the children, the other parent still needs to do the best they can to be responsible in this situation.

You should not keep the divorce a secret from the children. You need to tell them when you make your decision and what is going to happen. Try to give them at least a little bit of notice before the parent moves out so that the child can have the time to deal with it and ask questions. Reassure the child that both parents are still going to be there for them and that nothing has changed in that sense.

Avoid playing the blame game when talking to the children. Putting the other parent down leads to insecurity on the part of the children. They need to know that both parents are still able to be trusted and depended upon. Let them know that it was a mutual decision and that you both did your best to avoid this ending.

Make your child aware that they are not going to be able to get the both of you back together. Tell them that there is nothing that they can do to make the situation go away. Also make it clear to them where they are going to live and that they can see the other parent any time they want to. You can tell them that there may be some changes in that later on, but it is not going to affect their relationship. Give them the opportunity to ask you any questions that they may have for you both.

An important factor is your reactions in front of the children. It’s easy to display negative emotions when facing divorce but the children can do without the extra upset. They need to feel safe and secure in the knowledge that both parents love them and don’t want to upset them in any way.

You should never fight with the other parent in front of the children. This will be very disturbing to the children and may cause them to be fearful of what may happen in the future. You should not speak badly about the other parent either. You have to be very careful not to call the other parent names or talk negatively about anything that they have done.

Never keep the children away from the other parent unless they are in danger of anything. You should let the children see the parent when they feel the need to. Let them know that they can call them anytime and you will be happy to drive them to see you’re soon to ex spouse’s residence any time that they want.

Never forget your responsibility to the children. To continue to be a good parent, even if you do not have custody, means communicating with them. Despite the fact that divorce can be very traumatic for parents, you need to keep up your strength for the sake of the children.

Don’t shower them with money and gifts but give them your time. That is the most important thing at this time. Don’t make promises if you can’t keep them and never, never abandon them, either physically or emotionally.

If you think that the child needs to have therapy, you should make the necessary arrangements. If they need to talk to a professional let them, as this is going to help a child in the long run. It is crucial to the children to be able to discuss their feelings and to be reassured that they have nothing to worry about concerning the divorce. It is nothing to be ashamed of and the child should be made to feel comfortable about all that is going on around them.

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In many marriages that are having a problem, the most effective cure for this problem is to be able to talk to your spouse. Easy and non-confrontational communication is the way to go. This way you can be open about any problems you and your spouse may be experiencing and you can put all the cards on the table about concerns you must have. In addition it will bring you closer when you have the chance to tell each other how you feel and stop your divorce.

Another thing you can do is to seek professional help; there are many different therapist and marriage counselors that will be more than happy to assist you in finding out what is wrong with your marriage. You will be able to have an impartial third party, who will not judge you and your spouse, instead they will try to get to the bottom of the marital crisis and help you find a resolution. They also give your resources and hands on training techniques you will need in order to ensure that you and your spouse are able to give the marriage a fighting chance, with proven techniques that work.

You can also get the help you need by simply learning how to forgive your spouse all of the things that he has done in the past to you. Without trust, love does not stand a chance. You will need to put aside all of your feelings about what your spouse may have done and allow yourself to feel good about the progress you and he has made in your marriage. If you really want your marriage to work, you must take the time to find out what you can do to change your mindset so that you can learn how to trust him again.

Another thing you will definitely want to do is to be open and honest with your spouse, he is not a mind reader, and will not know that there is something wrong with you until you tell him. It is very important that you take the time to find out what is wrong with yourself so that you will be able to share that with him.

Lastly, if you need to figure out a way to stop your divorce you will need to follow these few different techniques to help you get over the problems you and your spouse are having and get on with your life. You can still have the marriage you always wanted.

Learn more about how to save your marriage and prevent a divorce today! Click here and check out: Stop Your Divorce or have a look at: Stop Divorce and see what you can do now!

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